YOU HURT MY FEELINGS |
★★★★☆
31 July 2023
A movie review of YOU HURT MY FEELINGS.
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Director: Nicole Holofcener (THE LAND OF STEADY HABITS, ENOUGH SAID, PLEASE GIVE, FRIENDS WITH MONEY, LOVELY & AMAZING).
Starring: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tobias Menzies, Michaela Watkins, Owen Teague, Arian Moayed, Jeannie Berlin, Zach Cherry, Sunita Mani, David Cross, Amber Tamblyn.
“Do you want to intervene here, we can do this at home,” Jonathan (David Cross).
Couples therapy with real life husband and wife acting duo (Cross and Amber Tamblyn). Don (Tobias Menzies) is a shrink. One of the central cruxes of YOU HURT MY FEELINGS is professional pride, boiled down to two questions:
- What if you’re not good at your job?
- What if your loved ones think you are not good at your job?
One wonders whether Don was ever an adept psychiatrist, or at some point just stopped caring. You’d hope he was proficient. He charged the couple $33,000 over two years! Another client, Jim (perennial scene-stealer Zach Cherry – SEVERANCE) disses Don repeatedly under his breath. Don is told he looks tired, triggering a mid-life crisis about his looks.
Starring: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tobias Menzies, Michaela Watkins, Owen Teague, Arian Moayed, Jeannie Berlin, Zach Cherry, Sunita Mani, David Cross, Amber Tamblyn.
“Do you want to intervene here, we can do this at home,” Jonathan (David Cross).
Couples therapy with real life husband and wife acting duo (Cross and Amber Tamblyn). Don (Tobias Menzies) is a shrink. One of the central cruxes of YOU HURT MY FEELINGS is professional pride, boiled down to two questions:
- What if you’re not good at your job?
- What if your loved ones think you are not good at your job?
One wonders whether Don was ever an adept psychiatrist, or at some point just stopped caring. You’d hope he was proficient. He charged the couple $33,000 over two years! Another client, Jim (perennial scene-stealer Zach Cherry – SEVERANCE) disses Don repeatedly under his breath. Don is told he looks tired, triggering a mid-life crisis about his looks.
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The other lead is Don’s wife, Beth (Julia Louis-Dreyfus). Louis-Dreyfus and Menzies are on form, as is the entire cast! Their only child, Eliot (Owen Teague), is a manager at a weed store, doesn’t like it, wants to be a writer, but is afraid to reveal his project. Eliot has chosen to follow in mother’s footsteps. Beth is a journalist turned author. Her first book sold in underwhelming numbers, which is still raw.
Beth is now trying to get her debut novel published. She is told by her agent that younger voices are competing. What does that mean? Probably a gentle way of letting her down. (The film weaves in observations on aging. Characters are repeatedly told not to infantilise the old by referring to them by words like “adorable” or “cute”.)
Instead of reworking the novel, Beth looks for another agent. Beth’s first book was a memoir entitled, ‘I Had to Tell it’, about her suffering of verbal abuse. Is there a whiff of eyebrow-raising? We are not told enough about her past to form a concrete opinion. That the book’s cover quote is from a generically monikered publication, ‘BookPage’, adds to the sense. The tightrope has been walked. Plausible deniability can be offered. Beth is also a lacklustre writing teacher. The students’ ideas are hilariously bad.
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The feeling early on in YOU HURT MY FEELINGS: this is an ace comedy already. And it doesn’t drop the ball. So many laughs – Beth’s own drunken misery inadvertently causes a couple to have an argument in a bar, potentially causing a seismic schism.
YOU HURT MY FEELINGS is enjoyably squirm-inducing. Beth overhears her husband and brother-in-law, Mark (Arian Moayed), talk about her new book – Don’s real feelings. And it is not complimentary. Beth avoids revealing her presence and knowledge, and stews in passive aggression until the inevitable confrontation. The movie refreshingly talks about the desire for loved ones’ approval. Our need for validation. Even up to the end there is no let up on the players’ disappointments.
Is anyone good at their job in this movie? Beth’s irascible sister, Sarah (Michaela Watkins), is interior decorating a wealthy home – looking for the perfect light fixture. Time consuming just on that one feature. Sarah barely hides her irritation. Well-paid with a hard-earned reputation, Sarah is now dissatisfied. Is that down to entitlement or non-fulfilment? At one point Sarah states, “I hate people”. The sentiment isn’t explored here – needing an entire movie to itself.
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YOU HURT MY FEELINGS feels like it is about mountains made from molehills. White lies. Truth and constructive criticism on the one hand. On the other, being supportive as well as being humble at their own lack of expertise in another’s field. Over-praise can lull you into failure. An audience dilemma: who has the moral high ground, Beth or Don? A bit of both?
Writer-director Nicole Holofcener has made a career out of skewering our self-perception meeting reality head-on. Some projects are too excruciating (e.g., ’THE OFFICE, CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM), but Holofcener’s films fall on the right side of agonising. Upper middle classes get rinsed. Unfortunately, all the previous films of hers I’ve seen lack cast diversity. Here, a welcome but not perfect effort has been made.
YOU HURT MY FEELINGS makes use of the runtime, including other subjects in its crosshairs:
- The upper middle classes and charity. Clothes drive scenes are cringe.
- The healthcare system. Mention of a “concierge fee” of $800/year.
- Family dynamics. The gestation of family insecurities and gripes. Plus, the habitual impatience and permitted crotchetiness.
YOU HURT MY FEELINGS concerns awkward, insensitive, self-absorbed people. Is the film saying that is all of us? Perhaps don’t watch this with your other half if you can’t handle them suddenly dishing some truths as the closing credits roll.
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