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8 January 2017
This article is a look at the worst films of 2016. |
I broke my movie-watching record. I saw 582 films in 2016. I managed to catch just about everything that received a public cinema release that I wanted to see.
So let us begin.
Part one of my review of 2016 commences with the most dreadful offerings. (To skip ahead to part two, my favourite films of 2016, click here; and the awards for best films, click here.)
The bile out of the way first…
So let us begin.
Part one of my review of 2016 commences with the most dreadful offerings. (To skip ahead to part two, my favourite films of 2016, click here; and the awards for best films, click here.)
The bile out of the way first…
THE TOP 30 WORST FILMS OF 2016
30. OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY
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Has anyone who made this actually worked in an office?
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29. BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE
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Almost irredeemably incoherent, the inelegantly titled BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE has rating-pushing sadism without brains, tied to an absence of compelling characters and plot.
[To read the full review, click here.] |
28. BAD SANTA 2
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I laughed once. Joins ZOOLANDER 2 and DUMB AND DUMBER TO as totally unnecessary, virtually joke-less sequels, which are grimly inferior to their predecessors.
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27. SUICIDE SQUAD
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An utter mess of tone, ideas, characters and story. Shame, as I liked the casting.
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26. JASON BOURNE
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2016 seems to be the cinema year of the redundant franchise addition. Pointless, underwhelming stuff. Throwing in a Greek riot and the word "Snowden" does not magically make this seem topical.
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25. X-MEN: APOCALYPSE
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Almost as bad as third instalment, THE LAST STAND, the filmmakers even hubristically diss it in a meta way. As characters leave RETURN OF THE JEDI, Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) opines, "We can all agree the third one is always the worst." They should not have done that in light of the shoddy storytelling and character quality here.
[To read the full review, click here.] |
24. THE PROMISE
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Almost PEARL HARBOR bad. Why are Oscar Isaac and Christian Bale in this?! THE CUT and ARARAT this ain't.
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23. (RE)ASSIGNMENT
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After BULLET TO THE HEAD, and now this, what is Walter Hill doing?
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22. THINGS TO COME
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Mia Hansen-Løve’s latest is a disastrous mix of cod-intellectual pseudo-philosophical claptrap and tepid soap opera melodrama histrionics.
[To read the full review, click here.] |
21. SLACK BAY
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Bruno Dumont seems to have wanted to make a NAPOLEON DYNAMITE-esque comedy. This verges on the embarrassing.
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20. THE HEADHUNTER’S CALLING
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Simplistic, weepy morality tale about a douche learning obvious life lessons.
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19. NOW YOU SEE ME 2
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Confidence trickster unbelievability taken to the max. How is that ending in any way credible?
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18. THE JOURNEY IS THE DESTINATION
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WELCOME TO SARAJEVO this ain't. Cringe, cursory, grating war travelogue.
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17. DESPITE THE FALLING SNOW
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Dire espionage potboiler. Production values are virtually non-existent. Rebecca Ferguson playing these two characters was laughable.
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16. SING
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15. THE FINEST HOURS
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Mawkish heroics. Being so, so serious does not give your movie heft.
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14. INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE
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Where to start? Suffice to say, an epitome of blockbuster sequelitis ripe for being flushed down the toilet.
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13. THE EVIL IN US
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12. CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON: SWORD OF DESTINY
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The original is still in my top 10 of all time. The sequel is lazy, nonsensical, pointless. A shadow of predecessor. Leaden story, wooden dialogue.
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11. MIMOSAS
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Seemingly entirely concerned with allegory. Zero characterisation. Even AGUIRRE-like brief moments can't expel dullness.
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10. HERMIA + HELENA
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Pretentious. Grating. Cloying camerawork. Post-mumblecore tedium. Continually dropped into uninteresting lives.
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9. THE MAP AGAINST THE WORLD
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Tonal mess: Broad japes to suddenly torture. Rare shiny vistas sit uncomfortably beside weak CGI.
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8. THE CHAMBER
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One wonders what the star of the excruciatingly sublime FORCE MAJEURE is doing here.
[To read the full review, click here.] |
7. BLAIR WITCH
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A benchmark for the nadir of mainstream horror filmmaking.
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6. WARCRAFT
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Something potentially socially progressive, subsumed under large-scale inanity.
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5. XOXO
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An E.D.M. movie so bad it makes WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS seem like a masterpiece in comparison.
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4. DIRTY GRANDPA
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4. DIRTY GRANDPA
Trawls the gutter to find a laugh, and comes up short. [To read the full review, click here.] |
3. LONDON HAS FALLEN
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Offensive and brainless.
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2. ORION
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It is rare to come across a movie virtually devoid of merit. ORION is one such example. Imagine a visual experience so ineptly constructed a headache is almost induced.
[To read the full review, click here.] |
1. A LULLABY TO THE SORROWFUL MYSTERY
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Lav Diaz's dull, inept, repetitive, padded 8 hours 5 minute torment. NORTE this ain't.
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Okay, take a breather.
Phew! Got that out of my system. On to…
Part two, my favourite films of 2016. Click here.
Part three, my awards for the best films of 2016. Click here.
