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      • Action Cinema
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  • FILM-TV REVIEWS
    • 0 - 9 >
      • One Cut of the Dead
      • One Day
      • Two Days, One Night
      • 3D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy
      • 7 Days In Havana
      • Seven Psychopaths
      • Seven Swords
      • 009 Re: Cyborg
      • 11 Minutes
      • 12 Years A Slave
      • 13
      • 24 Weeks
      • 45 Years
      • 68 Kill
      • '71
      • 99 Homes
      • 300: Rise Of An Empire
      • 303
      • 20,000 Days On Earth
      • 8 Million Ways to Die
    • A >
      • A Bigger Splash
      • A Bronx Tale
      • A Cat In Paris
      • A Few Best Men
      • A Field In England
      • A Ghost Story
      • A Hard Day
      • A Lonely Place to Die
      • A Love Song
      • A Man's Flower Road
      • A Million Ways To Die In The West
      • A Monster Calls
      • A Prayer Before Dawn
      • A Second Chance
      • A Separation
      • A Single Shot
      • A Spanking in Paradise
      • A Thousand Times Good Night
      • A Walk Among The Tombstones
      • A White, White Day
      • Abduction
      • About Ray
      • Act of Valour
      • African Cats
      • Afro Samurai
      • After the Wedding
      • Alice Through the Looking Glass
      • All In Good Time
      • Alleluia
      • Allied
      • American Heist
      • American Pie: Reunion
      • Ana, Mon Amour
      • Anarchy
      • Anchor and Hope
      • Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
      • Angelica
      • Animal Kingdom
      • Animals
      • Anna Karenina
      • Anomalisa
      • Ant-Man
      • Arctic
      • Argo
      • Arrival
      • Asako I & II
      • Avengers: Age of Ultron
    • B >
      • Baby Driver
      • Babycall
      • Bacurau
      • Bad Neighbours
      • Bad Words
      • Bait
      • Banshee Chapter
      • Barbara
      • Barrage
      • Barry
      • Bastards
      • Bastille Day
      • Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
      • Beasts Of The Southern Wild
      • Beatriz at Dinner
      • Beauty And The Beast
      • Bee Movie
      • Before Midnight
      • Before We Go
      • Belle
      • Benny & Jolene
      • Berlin Syndrome
      • Big Eyes
      • Big Game
      • Big Hero 6
      • Bitch
      • Black 47
      • Black Coal, Thin Ice
      • Black Eagle (R2B: Return To Base)
      • Black Panther
      • Black Rain
      • Black Sea
      • Black Sheep
      • Blackfish
      • Blackhat
      • Blade of the Immortal
      • Bleed for This
      • Blue Is The Warmest Colour
      • Bobby Fischer Against the World
      • Boca
      • Bodies Bodies Bodies
      • Bones and All
      • Bonsai
      • Boomerang Family
      • Border
      • Borgia
      • Boyhood
      • Brave
      • Brawl in Cell Block 99
      • Breaking Bad
      • Breakup Buddies
      • Breathe In
      • Breathing
      • Brian and Charles
      • Bridesmaids
      • Bright Nights
      • Britain from Above
      • Broken City
      • Bullhead
      • Bunraku
      • Burning
      • Bushwick
    • C >
      • Caesar Must Die
      • Cafe De Flore
      • Cake
      • Calvary
      • Can A Song Save Your Life?
      • Candy
      • Captain America: Civil War
      • Captain America: The Winter Soldier
      • Captain Phillips
      • Carrie Pilby
      • Carnage
      • Casa De Mi Padre
      • Cashback
      • Castle in the Sky
      • Catfight
      • Central Intelligence
      • Chasuke's Journey
      • Chef
      • Chrysalis
      • Cinderella
      • Cleopatra
      • Climax
      • Close Encounters of the Third Kind
      • Clouds of Sils Maria
      • Coin Locker Girl
      • Cold Eyes
      • Cold In July
      • Cold War
      • Collective Invention
      • Colonia
      • Color Out of Space
      • Colossal
      • Comes A Bright Day
      • Compliance
      • Computer Chess
      • Conan the Barbarian
      • Confession Of A Child Of The Century
      • Contraband
      • Corporate Animals
      • Cowboys and Aliens
      • Crazy, Stupid, Love
      • Crown Heights
      • Crying Fist
      • Crystal Swan
      • Cuban Fury
      • Cuckoo
      • Cyber City Oedo 808
    • D >
      • Daddy's Home
      • Damsel
      • Dangerous Liaisons (2012)
      • Dark River
      • Darkest Hour
      • Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes
      • Days of Heaven
      • Day Watch
      • Dead Snow 2: Red Vs Dead
      • Dear Prudence
      • Death Proof
      • Death Watch
      • Deep End
      • Deerskin
      • Delicacy
      • Demolition
      • Dennis Rodman's Big Bang in Pyongyang
      • Deranged
      • Desierto
      • Despicable Me 2
      • Destroyer
      • Detachment
      • Devil's Knot
      • Dheepan
      • Dirty Grandpa
      • Disobedience
      • Disorder
      • Disturbia
      • Divines
      • Django
      • Django Unchained
      • Dogman
      • Don Jon
      • Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot
      • Dora or the Sexual Neuroses of Our Parents
      • Double Impact
      • Downsizing
      • Dreamgirls
      • Dreileben
      • Drive
    • E >
      • Eagle vs. Shark
      • Earth 2
      • Earth To Echo
      • Earthquake Bird
      • Elephant Song
      • Elite Squad: The Enemy Within
      • Elles
      • Elysium
      • Ema
      • Empire of the Sun
      • End Of Watch
      • End of Winter
      • Ender's Game
      • Entanglement
      • Epic
      • Equals
      • Escobar: Paradise Lost
      • Essential Killing
      • Europa Report
      • Euthanizer
      • Even The Rain
      • Every Thing Will Be Fine
      • Exodus: Gods and Kings
      • Eye in the Sky
    • F >
      • Fading Gigolo
      • Far From the Madding Crowd
      • Farewell To The King
      • Fast & Feel Love
      • Fast & Furious 6
      • Fast & Furious 7
      • Fast Girls
      • Fear And Desire
      • Felicite
      • Felony
      • Final Destination 5
      • Final Portrait
      • Fist of Legend
      • Flight
      • Flu
      • Flyboys
      • For Ellen
      • Forgetting Sarah Marshall
      • Frances Ha
      • Francine
      • Frank
      • Free Agents
      • Free Birds
      • Free Men
      • Fright Night
      • From Up On Poppy Hill
      • Frozen
      • Fuck For Forest
      • Fukushima, Mon Amour
      • Funny Cow
    • G >
      • Gang Story
      • Gemini Man
      • Genius
      • Gimme The Loot
      • Goat
      • God Bless America
      • Godzilla
      • Golden Exits
      • Good Kill
      • Grave of the Fireflies
      • Great Expectations
      • Gravity
      • Green Room
      • Grindhouse Trailer Classics 3
      • Guilty of Romance
      • Guns & Talk
    • H >
      • Hacksaw Ridge
      • Haemoo
      • Hammer Of The Gods
      • Happy Feet Two
      • Happy New Year, Colin Burstead
      • Happy People
      • Hardcore
      • Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2
      • Headshot
      • Heavenly Creatures
      • Hell
      • Hellboy II: The Golden Army
      • Hemel
      • Her
      • Hereditary
      • Hide And Seek
      • Hill of Freedom
      • Hitchcock
      • Hollywoo
      • Holy Rollers
      • Homefront
      • Hope Springs
      • Horns
      • Horrible Bosses 2
      • Hostel: Part II
      • Hostiles
      • How I Spent My Summer Vacation
      • How to Re-Establish a Vodka Empire
      • How to Train Your Dragon
      • Hyena
      • Hysteria
    • I >
      • I Could Never be Your Woman
      • I Lost My Body
      • I Love You, Daddy
      • I Saw the Devil
      • I Saw the Light
      • I, Tonya
      • I'm So Excited
      • If Beale Street Could Talk
      • Immortals
      • In Darkness
      • In Fabric
      • In Order Of Disappearance
      • In Search of a Midnight Kiss
      • In the Aisles
      • In The Bedroom
      • In the Heart of the Sea
      • In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
      • Inside Llewyn Davis
      • Inside Out
      • Insyriated
      • Interstellar
      • Ip Man 3
      • Iron Man 3
      • Isle of Dogs
      • It Follows
    • J >
      • J. Edgar
      • Jack Goes Boating
      • Jack Reacher
      • Jackie
      • Jackpot
      • Jayne Mansfield's Car
      • Jersey Boys
      • Jin
      • Jiro Dreams Of Sushi
      • John Dies At The End
      • Joker
      • Jonathan
      • Journey's End
      • Journeyman
      • Juan Of The Dead
      • Jupiter's Moon
      • Just Do It
    • K >
      • Kaboom
      • Kenny
      • Khodorkovsky
      • Kick-Ass 2
      • Kill List
      • Kings
      • Klokkenluider
      • Klown
      • Knight of Cups
      • Knives Out
      • Kodachrome
      • Kosmos
      • Kumiko, The Treasure Hunter
      • Kundo: Age Of The Rampant
    • L >
      • La Belle Epoque
      • La La Land
      • La Piscine
      • Lady Bird
      • Lady Chatterley
      • Lara
      • Largo Winch: Deadly Revenge
      • Largo Winch: The Burma Conspiracy
      • Las Acacias
      • Last Flag Flying
      • Last Night
      • Last Vegas
      • Laurence Anyways
      • Le Havre
      • Le Mans '66 / Ford v Ferrari
      • Le Week-End
      • Learning to Drive
      • Leave No Trace
      • Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen
      • Les Affames
      • Les Miserables
      • Lethal Weapon
      • Liberal Arts
      • Life Of Crime
      • Life Of Pi
      • Like Father, Like Son
      • Limitless
      • Lincoln
      • Lion
      • Logan
      • Lone Survivor
      • Looper
      • Lore
      • Love & Mercy
      • Love Crime
      • Love Is All You Need
      • Love Punch
      • Loveless
      • Loving
      • Lucky Them
      • Lust, Caution
    • M >
      • Mad Max: Fury Road
      • Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted
      • Madeline's Madeline
      • Maggie's Plan
      • Magic Trip
      • Maleficent
      • Man Of Steel
      • Man Up
      • Manchester by the Sea
      • Manhunt
      • Maps To The Stars
      • Marjorie Prime
      • Marrowbone
      • Mary Goes Round
      • May the Devil Take You
      • McCullin
      • Me and Orson Welles
      • Me And You
      • Medusa Deluxe
      • Mercy
      • Metallica Through The Never
      • Michael Clayton
      • Midnight Special
      • Miles Ahead
      • Minions
      • Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol
      • Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation
      • Mister John
      • Moana
      • Molly's Game
      • Monsieur Lazhar
      • Monsters University
      • More
      • Morris from America
      • Mother And Child
      • Mr. Brooks
      • Mr Holmes
      • Mr Long
      • Mr. Nobody
      • Much Ado About Nothing
      • Muppets Most Wanted
      • Museo
      • My Days of Mercy
      • My Entire High School Sinking Into the Sea
      • My Friend Dahmer
      • My Great Night
      • My Neighbour Totoro
      • My Neighbours The Yamadas
      • My Soul to Take
      • My Voyage to Italy
      • My Way
      • Mystery Science Theatre 3000: The Movie
    • N >
      • Nasty Baby
      • Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
      • Need For Speed
      • Never Goin' Back
      • New World
      • News from Planet Mars
      • Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb
      • Nightbirds
      • Nightcrawler
      • Nim's Island
      • Nina Forever
      • No
      • No Escape
      • No One Lives
      • Noah
      • Nocturnal Animals
      • Norman
      • Nostalgia For The Light
      • Nymphomaniac Volume 1
      • Nymphomaniac Volume 2
    • O >
      • Olympus Has Fallen
      • On Body and Soul
      • On Chesil Beach
      • Once
      • Only God Forgives
      • Oranges and Sunshine
      • Orion
      • Our Little Sister
      • Out Of The Furnace
      • Outrage Beyond
      • Outside In
    • P >
      • Pacific Rim
      • Papillon
      • Passport To Pimlico
      • Patti Cake$
      • Penguins of Madagascar
      • Perfect Sense
      • Pete's Dragon
      • Petra
      • Phoenix
      • Ping Pong
      • Piranha
      • Planes
      • Planet Terror
      • Pokemon Detective Pikachu
      • Polisse
      • Populaire
      • Porco Rosso
      • Possession
      • Potiche
      • Powder Room
      • Preggoland
      • Prince Avalanche
      • Princess Mononoke
      • Project Nim
      • Project X
      • Punishment Park
      • Pusher
    • Q >
      • Queen of Earth
      • Queen of the Desert
      • Quest For Fire
    • R >
      • R100
      • Racer and the Jailbird
      • Raid on Entebbe
      • Ran
      • Ratatouille
      • Ready Player One
      • Real Steel
      • [REC] 3 Genesis
      • Red 2
      • Red Dawn
      • Red White & Blue
      • Renoir
      • Requiem For A Killer
      • Requiem For A Village
      • Reservation Road
      • Resistance
      • Results
      • Return to Montauk
      • Revenge Of The Electric Car
      • Revivre
      • Revolution
      • Revolutionary Road
      • Riddick
      • Rise of the Planet of the Apes
      • Roman J. Israel, Esq.
      • Romantics Anonymous
      • Rurouni Kenshin 2: Kyoto Inferno
      • Rurouni Kenshin 3: The Legend Ends
      • Rush
      • Rust And Bone
    • S >
      • Safe
      • Safe House
      • Saint Amour
      • Salmon Fishing In The Yemen
      • Salt and Fire
      • Salt of Life
      • Samsara
      • Savages
      • Sawako Decides
      • Season of the Witch
      • See [seasons 1-2]
      • Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World
      • Selma
      • Shadow
      • She's Funny That Way
      • Shepherds and Butchers
      • Sherlock Holmes - A Game of Shadows
      • Short Term 12
      • Shotgun Stories
      • Sightseers
      • Simon Killer
      • Sing
      • Sister
      • Skate Kitchen
      • Sleeping with Other People
      • Sleuth
      • Small Apartments
      • Snitch
      • Snowpiercer
      • Snowtown
      • Sonatine
      • Son of a Gun
      • Son of Saul
      • Soul Surfer
      • Source Code
      • Southern Comfort
      • Soy Nero
      • Spartacus: Vengeance
      • Spartacus: War Of The Damned
      • Special Forces
      • SPL 2: A Time for Consequences
      • Spooks: The Greater Good
      • Spoor
      • Spotlight
      • Spring
      • Spy
      • Stake Land
      • Stalingrad
      • Stan & Ollie
      • Star Trek Beyond
      • Star Trek Into Darkness
      • Starbuck
      • Strange Weather
      • Submarine
      • Suite Francaise
      • Summer In February
      • Sunshine On Leith
      • Super
      • Superbad
      • Superman Returns
      • Sweet Country
      • Synchronic
    • T >
      • Taken 2
      • Taking Off
      • Tales from Earthsea
      • Tatsumi
      • Taxi
      • Taxi: Season 1
      • Ted
      • Terminator 2: Judgment Day
      • Terminator Genisys
      • Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
      • Testament of Youth
      • Tetsuo: The Iron Man
      • That Awkward Moment
      • Therese Desqueyroux
      • They Came Together
      • Things to Come
      • This Is The End
      • Thor: The Dark World
      • Thoroughbreds
      • Those Happy Years
      • Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
      • Three Christs
      • Throne of Blood
      • Tiger Girl
      • Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
      • Tiny Furniture
      • Tokyo Ga
      • Tokyo Godfathers
      • Tokyo Tribe
      • Tomboy
      • Tomorrowland
      • Toni Erdmann
      • Total Recall
      • Tragedy Girls
      • Train to Busan
      • Trance
      • Transformers
      • Transformers: Age Of Extinction
      • Transit
      • Transit [2018]
      • Trespass Against Us
      • Triangle
      • Triangle of Sadness
      • Troll Hunter
      • Tron: Legacy
      • Truman
      • Tumbbad
      • Two Lovers and a Bear
    • THE >
      • The Amateurs
      • The Arbor
      • The Assault
      • The Autopsy of Jane Doe
      • The Avengers
      • The Awakening
      • The Baader-Meinhof Complex
      • The Bacchus Lady
      • The Bad Batch
      • The Ballad of Narayama
      • The Bar
      • The Bay
      • The Baytown Outlaws
      • The Be All And End All
      • The Beaver
      • The Belko Experiment
      • The Beloved
      • The Berlin File
      • The Big Sick
      • The Bookshop
      • The Boy and the Beast
      • The Brawler
      • The Breadwinner
      • The Breaker Upperers
      • The Cabin In The Woods
      • The Captain
      • The Castle of Cagliostro
      • The Cat Returns
      • The Chamber
      • The Children Act
      • The Climb
      • The Cobbler
      • The Commune
      • The Conjuring 2
      • The Counsellor
      • The Croods
      • The Current War
      • The Danish Girl
      • The Daughter
      • The Day After
      • The Dead
      • The Debt
      • The Devil's Double
      • The Dinner
      • The Dinosaur Project
      • The Doom Generation
      • The Drummond Will
      • The Dyatlov Pass Incident
      • The East
      • The Edge of Seventeen
      • The Evil in Us
      • The Expendables 3
      • The Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sec
      • The Fake
      • The Family Fang
      • The Farewell
      • The Favourite
      • The Fighter
      • The Five Year Engagement
      • The Front Runner
      • The Girl
      • The Girl in the Photographs
      • The Good Dinosaur
      • The Grand Heist
      • The Grandmaster
      • The Greasy Strangler
      • The Great Beauty
      • The Greatest Movie Ever Sold
      • The Guest
      • The Guilty
      • The Gunman
      • The Hateful Eight
      • The Heiresses
      • The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies
      • The House That Jack Built
      • The Housemaid
      • The Hunger Games
      • The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1
      • The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2
      • The Hunter
      • The Huntsman: Winter's War
      • The Iceman
      • The Imitation Game
      • The Incredible Jessica James
      • The Informer
      • The Innkeepers
      • The Interrupters
      • The Intervention
      • The Judge
      • The Keeper Of Lost Causes
      • The Killer Inside Me
      • The King
      • The Last Stand
      • The Legend of Bruce Lee
      • The Lighthouse
      • The Little House
      • The Little Tailor
      • The Lives of Others
      • The Lone Ranger
      • The Look Of Love
      • The Lost Okoroshi
      • The Man from Nowhere
      • The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
      • The Mercy
      • The Mind's Eye
      • The Miseducation of Cameron Post
      • The Mist
      • The Molly Dineen Collection Volume Three
      • The Motive
      • The Mule
      • The Muppets
      • The Necessary Death Of Charlie Countryman
      • The Nice Guys
      • The Nightingale
      • The Northman
      • The Numbers Station
      • The Other Side of Hope
      • The Overnight
      • The Panic in Needle Park
      • The Party
      • The Patriarch
      • The Place Beyond The Pines
      • The Prey
      • The Proposition
      • The Purge: Anarchy
      • The Raid
      • The Raid 2
      • The Railway Man
      • The Reach
      • The Rebound
      • The Red Turtle
      • The Reef
      • The Resident
      • The Return Of The Living Dead
      • The Revenant
      • The Rig
      • The Sapphires
      • The Saragossa Manuscript
      • The Satellite Girl and the Milk Cow
      • The Secret in Their Eyes
      • The Selfish Giant
      • The Sentinel
      • The Shameless
      • The Shape of Water
      • The Shining
      • The Signal
      • The Skin I Live In
      • The Source
      • The Stag
      • The Strange Little Cat
      • The Summit
      • The Taste Of Money
      • The Thieves
      • The Thing
      • The Third Murder
      • The Tree
      • The Tribe
      • The Two Faces Of January
      • The Truth
      • The Upside
      • The Veteran
      • The Villainess
      • The Voices
      • The Walking Dead season two
      • The Watch
      • The Water Diviner
      • The Wave
      • The Way
      • The Way Way Back
      • The Whistlers
      • The Widow of Saint-Pierre
      • The Wind Rises
      • The Wolverine
      • The Woman in Black: Angel of Death
      • The Woman in the Fifth
      • The World of Kanako
      • The World's End
      • The Yellow Sea
      • The Young And Prodigious T.S. Spivet
    • U >
      • Unbeatable
      • Unbroken
      • Underground
      • Underwater Love
      • Unforgiven
      • Unicorn Store
      • Unicorn Wars
      • Unknown
      • Unmistaken Child
      • Unsane
      • Unstoppable
    • V >
      • Vehicle 19
      • V/H/S
      • V/H/S/2
      • Victoria
      • Vidal Sassoon The Movie
      • Villain
      • Vinyl season one
      • Visitors
      • Viva La Liberta
      • Vox Lux
    • W >
      • Waitress
      • Walking Out
      • War Dogs
      • War Horse
      • War of the Arrow
      • War on Everyone
      • Warrior
      • Watcher
      • We Are the Flesh
      • We Are The Night
      • We Gotta Get Out Of This Place
      • We Steal Secrets: The Story Of Wikileaks
      • Weekend
      • Weird: The Al Yankovic Story
      • Weirdos
      • Welcome To New York
      • West is West
      • What If
      • What Maisie Knew
      • What We Do In The Shadows
      • While We're Young
      • White God
      • Who Killed The Electric Car?
      • Who We Are Now
      • Widows
      • Wiener-Dog
      • Wild Mouse
      • Wildlife
      • Willow Creek
      • Wish I Was Here
      • Woman at War
      • Wonderstruck
      • Woochi: The Demon Slayer
      • Woody Allen: A Documentary
      • Words And Pictures
      • World War Z
      • Wreck-It Ralph
      • Wuthering Heights
      • Wyrmwood
    • X >
      • X-Men: Apocalypse
      • X-Men: Days Of Future Past
      • X+Y
    • Y >
      • Yardie
      • Yatterman
      • Yojimbo
      • You Are Here
      • You Instead
      • You Were Never Really Here
      • You're Next
      • Young Adult
      • Your Sister's Sister
    • Z >
      • Zathura
  • THEATRE & ARTS
    • A Walk On Part: The Fall Of New Labour
    • Akram Khan: Homeland
    • All New People
    • Andre Gregory and Wallace Shawn in Conversation
    • Battle Angel Alita: volume 1
    • Battle Angel Alita: volumes 2, 3 & 4
    • Battle Angel Alita: volumes 5, 6, 7, 8, & 9
    • Brian Wilson
    • Cantina
    • Derren Brown - Svengali
    • Fourth Dimensional Minds Eye Summoning
    • Gilbert & George
    • Jumpy
    • Let The Right One In
    • Lisa Appignanesi
    • Mary Queen Of Scots Got Her Head Chopped Off
    • My Girlfriend's Boyfriend
    • Othello: The Remix
    • Philip Pullman
    • Posh
    • Rob Delaney
    • Ronin
    • Sunken Garden
    • Sutra
    • The Book Of Mormon
    • The Great Gatsby
    • The Master And Margarita
    • The Silver Linings Playbook
    • The Thinking Drinker's Guide To Alcohol
    • Thriller Live
    • Touched...Like A Virgin
    • Travelling Light
    • Wah! Wah! Girls - A British Bollywood Musical
    • Wild Swans
  • FEATURES-INTERVIEWS
    • 2008 Review and 2009 Preview
    • 2010 in Review
    • 2011 In Review
    • 2012 In Anticipation
    • 2012 In Review: Part One
    • 2012 In Review: Part Two
    • Alternate Summer 2011
    • Ang Lee: A Life In Pictures
    • Atmosphere of the Berlinale
    • Autumn at the Multiplexes
    • BBC 4 World Cinema Award 2006
    • Berlin Film Festival 2011: Part One
    • Berlin Film Festival 2011: Part Two
    • Berlin Film Festival 2011: Part Three
    • Berlin Film Festival 2012: Part One
    • Berlin Film Festival 2012: Part Two
    • Berlin Film Festival 2012: Part Three
    • Best Films of 2013
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13 January 2014

This is my rundown of the worst films of 2013.

By Hemanth Kissoon
2013 was a year chock full of quality at the movies.

I saw 508 films, of which 353 were at the cinema. I managed to catch just about everything that received a public cinema release that I wanted to see.

So let us begin.

Part one of my review of 2013 commences with the most dreadful offerings. (To skip ahead to part two, my favourite films of 2013, and the best, click here.)

The bile out of the way first…

THE TOP 20 WORST FILMS OF 2013

Those that nearly made it onto the list: DESPICABLE ME 2, JACK THE GIANT SLAYER, OLDBOY (2013), STOLEN, SUMMER IN FEBRUARY, THE BEST OFFER, THE NUMBERS STATION, THE PAPERBOY and YOU ARE HERE.

20. INTERIOR. LEATHER BAR. – CHILD OF GOD – AS I LAY DYING

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As an actor in other people’s projects James Franco has an engaging rapport with the audience – see SPRING BREAKERS and THIS IS THE END. However, when he dons his director’s cap, something appears to shift in his persona. A pretentious, obtuse wave washes over a James Franco film. He has delivered not one, not two, but three directorial duds in the space of 365 days. That is actually some achievement. I saw the following at the Berlin, Toronto and London film festivals respectively:

INTERIOR. LEATHER BAR. is an hour-long art-house experiment, meant as a gap-filler of William Friedkin-Al Pacino 80s thriller CRUISING. Scenes of an explicit nature were excised at the time to get past censorship hang-ups. Here Franco and co-director Travis Mathews make a tedious, unenlightening meta-flick imagining those cut scenes.

CHILD OF GOD adapts Cormac McCarthy, and concerns a backwoods killer. Repetitive and impenetrable.

AS I LAY DYING adapts William Faulkner. Danny McBride can usually save a movie. This is no (intentional) comedy though. An accomplished cast mumble and swallow their words through a leaden Deep South family odyssey.

19. RED DAWN

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Did anyone ask for a remake of the Patrick Swayze-Charlie Sheen Reagan-era action flick? Sometimes one has to wonder how a movie so tasteless, so inane, so ineptly put together (bar the explosions), could slip the net of filmmakers and make it onto the big screen. It wallows in the dregs where creativity and allegory go to die. My full review here.









18. EMMANUEL AND THE TRUTH ABOUT FISHES

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The worst traits of indie storytelling epitomised here. What are Alfred Molina and Jessica Biel doing in this junk? From the awful opening monologue, by the titular Emanuel, who is constantly delivering glib attempts at wit that continually fall flat, the audience is shovelled the poorly thought out.


17. PASSION

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Execrable remake of French potboiler LOVE CRIME. Why did Noomi Rapace and Rachel McAdams sign up? What was director Brian De Palma thinking?! De Palma hasn't made a good film since MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE and that was 1996. Where's the director that crafted BLOW OUT and CARLITO'S WAY?



16. HAMMER OF THE GODS    

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One hates to trash a movie, especially when it is so apparently lacking in resources; but HAMMER OF THE GODS screams of ineptitude. This is a Viking adventure and should have been soaked in vivacity. Instead the result has the demeanour of an after-school project assembled without a script, everyone just winging it, craving that some quality might magically find its way into the end result. The Viking subgenre should rock, plain and simple; but too many are just flat. My full review here.

15. HELLO CARTER

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A comedy caper involving a night of London hijinks might have had a winsome appeal. Unfortunately it stars feeble thesp Charlie Cox (STARDUST). Supporting players Jodie Whittaker and Paul Schneider are not warlocks, lacking the supernatural ability to revive the dead on arrival.

14. THIS IS 40

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The charms of KNOCKED UP were lost on me. Zero chemistry, zero believability and few laughs derailed the project. Still, KNOCKED UP’s fiscal success has allowed a pseudo-sequel to be birthed, following squabbling couple Pete (Paul Rudd) and Debbie (Leslie Mann). Judd Apatow, a skilful producer of the projects of others, founders again when overseeing his own directorial work. Casting his family in three of the four lead roles was a mistake. THIS IS 40 reeks of self-indulgence. These characters grate for well over two hours. For a superior look at losing the flush of youth, watch instead the extraordinary BEFORE MIDNIGHT.

13. AFTER EARTH

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Talking of self-indulgence, Will Smith and son Jaden star in an excruciating sci-fi supposed-parable. What is the lesson to be learnt by the conclusion? Perhaps that the once excellent helmer M. Night Shyamalan (THE SIXTH SENSE, UNBREAKABLE) has self-sabotaged his standing with this and THE LAST AIRBENDER.

12. LOVE PUNCH

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Pierce Brosnan was Bond and Thomas Crown, Emma Thompson has two Oscars, what are they doing starring in such an awkward mess? On paper, a divorced couple, who banter flirtily (read: Bicker artlessly), forced to team up to right a wrong might have had an ADAM’S RIB frisson. Allure-wit-intelligence are unfortunately absent. The cast deserve better. At least there’s a 007 gag (would be rude not to include one). My full review here.

11. PLANES

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Dear oh dear. PLANES maybe from the “world of CARS”, but those two Pixar films, the weakest in their strikingly good canon, are masterpieces compared to this. My full review here.

10. THE HANGOVER: PART 3

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This is meant to be a comedy right? Then, where did all the jokes go?


9. RUNNING FROM CRAZY

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Truly terrible flick focusing on former actress Mariel Hemingway, and exec produced by Oprah Winfrey. If a celeb mag decided to make a documentary on mental illness, this is how I'd imagine the result. Ostensibly about the reasons for the suicides of many of the Hemingway clan, the most famous tragedy, her grandfather Ernest, it instead becomes an attention-seeking advert for Mariel’s lifestyle and a way to promote her children’s modelling/art careers. Drenched in saccharine moments, the worst excesses include the camera continually zooming in on Mariel welling up to ensure we caught the emotion.

8. THE WOLVERINE

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Since the high of X-MEN 2, probably one of the best super-hero flicks of all time, containing one of the most exhilarating action sequences so far, the Hugh Jackman-centred X-Men franchise has progressively nose-dived into the doldrums of creativity. It’s not Jackman’s fault, his commitment to the beloved character is what maintains a certain anticipation for another instalment. I didn’t think a Logan episode could get worse than the previous escapade, X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE. I was wrong. My full review here.

7. PACIFIC RIM

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For certain people, a robots versus monsters flick is the blockbuster they have been dreaming of. PACIFIC RIM contains the worst elements of director Guillermo del Toro’s HELLBOY movies – the plot holes and poor logic from the first, and the sappiness from the sequel. This was meant to wash out the bad taste of the brainless TRANSFORMERS franchise. However, the same woeful characterisation and poor storytelling is shared with director Michael Bay’s vacuous spectacles. Too many tentpole flicks, meant to wow us with new levels of imagery, are tripping up because of their lack of coherence and satisfactory universe building. My full review here.

6. MAN OF STEEL

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How many attempts have there now been, on both the small and silver screens, at interpreting Superman? Plenty. But who knew back in 1978, that SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE, directed by Richard ‘LETHAL WEAPON’ Donner, would end up being so unassailable in its craftsmanship and imagination? Thirty-five years on, and it is looking to be the unbeatable definitive version. As questions of logic and story elements reared up, as inane action sequences mounted up, I could feel the excitement in me evaporating. My full review here.

5. WORLD WAR Z

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For fans of the novel, WORLD WAR Z the film has no resemblance to the source. The brilliantly conceived episodic global response, to the zombie apocalypse, is completely absent; to such an extent that one wonders what was the point of buying the rights? With STAR TREK and MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – GHOST PROTOCOL, there was a moment suggested where big cinema was leaning towards teamwork, as the realistic solution to world conundrums, rather than the Rambo one-man is all it takes scenarios. Remakes are usually lazy and cynical, but on this occasion, I don’t mind if someone takes another stab at WORLD WAR Z. My full review here.

4. OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL

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The prequel to THE WIZARD OF OZ is surprisingly artless. Director Sam Raimi is better than this. Unimaginative and heavy-handed, one of the rare movies sans any merit.

3. SAVING MR BANKS

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The making of MARY POPPINS. Is unappetising synergy the future of cinema? Feels like a corporate advert. Sub-Proustian flashbacks, about the seeds of creativity, drown in simplicity and mawkishness. One kept wondering how much of any of it actually happened.

2. JOBS 

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This ain’t no SOCIAL NETWORK. The rise, fall and rise of Apple from the perspective of Steve Jobs (Ashton Kutcher) is jaw-droppingly moronic.

1. THE INTERNSHIP

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Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn star in a “comedy” set at the Google campus. If you thought SAVING MR BANKS was a corporate promotion, wait till THE INTERNSHIP sticks in your throat. If you thought JOBS was brainless, wait till you get a load of this. A real nadir of modern moviemaking.



Take a breather.

Phew! Got that out of my system. On to…

Part two. My favourite films of 2013, and the best. Click here.


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