★☆☆☆☆
6 November 2012
This article is a review of BLACK EAGLE (R2B: RETURN TO BASE) a.k.a. SOAR INTO THE SUN. |
“The zero-knot hot-dog who ruined the air show,” Commander to Captain Tae-hun (Rain)
Worse than BATTLESHIP. Worse than Rain’s NINJA ASSASSIN. Not as bad as PEARL HARBOUR. I think even directors like Shawn Levy, who care little about story/character/allegory, and hacks, like Brett Ratner, would balk at being associated with BLACK EAGLE (R2B: RETURN TO BASE). I’ve seen some bad movies in 2012, but this is appalling.
Like a time capsule unearthed from an alternate 1980s, the filmmakers create a debacle that make the output of Jerry Bruckheimer seem like THE SEVENTH SEAL. Every poor story choice and character beat that could be taken, is taken. At first I blamed the acting, and then I realised, maybe they are the unsung heroes here: take a bow ensemble for keeping a straight face. Now, you may be tut-tutting to yourself at my harshness. But trust me, I’m doing you a favour; this review is your shield.
Worse than BATTLESHIP. Worse than Rain’s NINJA ASSASSIN. Not as bad as PEARL HARBOUR. I think even directors like Shawn Levy, who care little about story/character/allegory, and hacks, like Brett Ratner, would balk at being associated with BLACK EAGLE (R2B: RETURN TO BASE). I’ve seen some bad movies in 2012, but this is appalling.
Like a time capsule unearthed from an alternate 1980s, the filmmakers create a debacle that make the output of Jerry Bruckheimer seem like THE SEVENTH SEAL. Every poor story choice and character beat that could be taken, is taken. At first I blamed the acting, and then I realised, maybe they are the unsung heroes here: take a bow ensemble for keeping a straight face. Now, you may be tut-tutting to yourself at my harshness. But trust me, I’m doing you a favour; this review is your shield.
I kept getting déjà vu. Is this BLACK EAGLE, or TOP GUN in disguise? We have Rain’s maverick, Tae-hun; he’s cocky and rebellious you see. Then we have the buttoned-down love interest, a fighter jet mechanic. We have the Goose moment. You know the one. So sign-posted, I kept hoping the team behind this would swerve in a different direction, but no. Then we have the Ice Man rival, with a douchey sidekick. And the Tom Skerritt steely boss equivalent. We have war game scenarios and a hilarious battle with a North Korean renegade attempting a coup. There’s lighting so contrived (e.g. a motorcycle ride sunset), smart-phone app filters make you look as if you’re a war correspondent in comparison. Even then my mouth sagged open at the odious sentimentality. Each time you believe proceedings can’t get any worse. Plus I didn’t detect any irony.
Okay, but what about the action? BLACK EAGLE is meant to be thrilling combat after all. Props should be given for making the production values appear probably far more expensive then it actually was. There are a few shots (not sequences mind), which have style:
- Tae-hun’s plane comes towards us in slow-mo and then drops back to Earth,
- A crash zoom pulling into the air from the lead’s date reveals a nifty visual gag,
- A rogue jet fires its afterburners while swinging away from a skyscraper, blowing out the windows.
But that’s about it. The rest is nonsensical. Who is fighting whom in the heavens?
Back on the ground, cheesy pop music accompanies ‘emotional’ bits. And ‘comedy’ characters aim for light relief. BLACK EAGLE is laughable, but not in a good way.